Farewell, Paul
Sometimes death makes things clear.
Recently, Paul Panks, one of the colorful authors of IF passed away, apparently after a long battle with mental illness. Muffy brought it everyone’s attention, and yet besides a few condolences, the event has passed virtually unremarked.
Sometimes death makes things clear.
A lot of my angst, disappointment, and sorrow with the IF community has stemmed from the belief that we were all in it together. That we were supposed to help one another, and that somehow, we all cared about each other. When I saw these fundamental assumptions being violated, I was furious. Furious because we are just a tiny group of people holding the flame aloft for a textual art in a world fascinated with pictures, and yet there was infighting and backstabbing and dark networks? We had so much in common and yet, still, unity was a fever dream.
Where are the Old Ones on this? Nowhere to be found. None of them have weighed in on the passing of one of their fellows. None of them care. Initially this surprised me slightly, but as the pieces fell to the ground, I could see the picture that I had missed all along.
Most people in R*IF just don’t see IF as a community. They don’t think that we’re all in it together. They don’t want to work together. They don’t want to present the best face to the world. I remember one time when newbies showed up in the newsgroup and were wondering what was going on, because the Inform website was broken. What followed was a bloodbath of recrimination and disparagement. Yet I still hoped.
Sometimes death makes things clear.
How many people contributed to Panks’ memory? How many even signed the online guest book? At last count, I saw no-one but myself, and you know what? That’s not to say that I’m righteous; that’s a horrible statistic. I should be among hundreds, not the only one (that I could tell). The same near-silence awaits all the rest of us non-stars in the IF world.
The IF community really isn’t a community at all, and maybe it never really was.
Pray for the family of Paul Panks in this difficult time.
