I was reading up on the Doom series by Peter Kilworth (Countdown to Doom, Return to Doom, and Last Days of Doom), especially the author’s description. Then, it just hit me. How would these games be marketed today, in the internet age? Here are three possible adverts for the first game in the series, Countdown to Doom.
Before Doom, there was Doom — Doomawangara, that is. Graphics are for whimps! You need to learn how to die in many different ways solving puzzles that would give Einstein brain cramps! And you know if you turn down such a challenge, it means that you are teh lamest evar!! Go download Countdown to Doom today and learn what real pain feels like.
Doomawangara. To know the name is to fear it. All text so your third-grade reading comprehension skills will be taxed to the max! Puzzles harder than Jeopardy. And, millions of ways to die. Countdown to Doom is, by these objective measures, the ultimate game.
Dooma, Dooma, Doomawangara!
The voice chants your uhm, doom. You open your eyes and find yourself on a planet with totally schizo environment, puzzles harder than Mission Impossible, and best of all, a bajillion ways to die. Should you do A or B? It doesn’t matter! In Countdown to Doom, one thing is sure — you’ll die. An awful lot. Save early and often, that is, if you’re foolish enough to believe that you can beat this game!
Note: I’ve played only the first two games in this series, and yes, this is humor.